Online Dangers: Grooming
Grooming is when someone builds trust with a child, and sometimes the adults around them, to gain access to and control the child by normalizing certain behaviours and expectations.
A groomer might use the following tactics
- Approach your child online by pretending to be someone they are not – may falsely identify themselves as a person from school, or someone their age, to build a connection
- Talk about the child's friends or interests, give gifts and compliments
- Make promises of a better life, a loving relationship, or future gifts, money, drugs or alcohol
- Cause division saying "your parents are too strict" or "your parents don't understand you"
- Normalize sexual behaviours by showing the child sexual images or videos
- Sexualize the relationship by sending or asking for your child to record and send sexual images or videos
- May threaten or pressure your child to do what they ask, which could lead to sextortion
- May ask to meet your child in person
What you can do
The most important thing is to be aware and to talk openly and regularly with your child
- Let them know you are available to talk any time
- Understand they may be hesitant to share with you
- Use real life examples they can relate to that aren't about them
- Talk about online safety, privacy, establishing boundaries, healthy relationships and consent
- Talk to them about not giving in to pressure and breaking off communication if they feel threatened or uncomfortable
- Tell them it's always okay to come to you or another safe adult, even if they think they've made a mistake
- Tell them about resources like Cybertip.ca and NeedHelpNow.ca in case they are worried and do not want to come to you
Watch with your kids
An animated video for youth that introduces the topic of grooming and gives high-level advice.
Transcript
If you spend time online, there are some things you need to be aware of — such as grooming.
That's when someone acts like your friend, girlfriend or boyfriend to try and get you to do what they want — like talk about sex or send videos or pictures of yourself without clothes on. Whether you know the person in real life or not, that is not OK. Sometimes, grooming can take place over a long period of time, over multiple conversations. It can happen on social media, chats, games, live-streaming apps, or anywhere else you talk to people online. It can put you in a harmful situation.
This can be confusing because when you first meet someone online, it may seem like you can trust them. They might be super friendly and compliment you or give you things. Remember, some people might lie about their age or pretend to be someone else — all to get you to trust them.
But these people are not safe. Once they have your trust, they will try to trick, confuse or pressure you into doing what they want. They will try to gain control over you through things like embarrassment, threats or making you feel stuck.
If you're in this type of situation, know that it's not your fault and it's OK to speak up.
Whatever happens, remember that you are not alone. Help is available – report to CyberTip.ca or visit Kids Help Phone.ca
[On-screen: Learn more at Canada.ca/child-exploitation]